After weeks of uncertainty & unrest between COVID19 and the riots/protests sparked by George Floyd’s death we find ourselves living in a new reality. As an Empath (someone who senses others energies) I have struggled finding balance in myself, self care, the holding of space for others as I navigate through my own personal changes of job loss, yoga studio shut down, and now downsizing in the name of COVID19.
My silence does not mean I won’t support your health, stand with you, educate myself or listen – what it does mean is that I am doing exactly that in my own way. In order to overcome the overwhelming situations that have arrived both in the world and in my own life I need to continue to live and practice my own yoga. And, that means taking a break on occasion, unplugging, finding stillness, being in nature, connecting to spirit and my loved ones, meditating, and other techniques I use to keep me from burnout or reacting in a way that does not serve my health or others health well. We all have different paths in life and mine happens to be the path of Peace, Light, & Love. My experiences throughout my life and my own transformation has taught me a different way. My purpose is to hold space for you, no judgement, and to help guide you out of the darkness into the light when needed. I am a Warrior Of Peace.
I can’t say that I understand your pain Only my own. I can’t say I get what it is like to Be You – Those feelings and thoughts are yours alone. I don’t know how it is to starve, to be unable to provide food for your family or a roof overhead. What I do know is my own experience of living making uncomfortable choices at times such as putting gas in the car to go to work or eating that day, paying the electric bill or grocery shopping to feed my children. Small in comparison to some I know, however, these are my experiences.
I have gathered closely to those who have loving support from family because this was the energy I craved. One of the reasons I felt so safe and drawn to my husband & his family was their loving energy and stable supportive lifestyle – none of which I had growing up.
I use to long to feel safe daily but this never happened. My heart is full of joy each time I see & hear stories of others that experience the loving support I did not have, however, my soul connects with the underdog, the injustice of life & those that have experienced it.
As a child you believe that your parents are the protectors, YOUR Protectors – until you see the man your mother loves abusing her, connecting with the pain in her eyes until you can not take another second of it.
I was and have always been a Warrior. I was born that way. At that time I was a Warrior of Fight, of aggression, of bitter intense energy – because I had to be that way to survive. And, when I tried to save my mom from this torment, I saw the fire in his eyes, the one who was supposed to be my (our) protector – my father, and as I matched my own fire with his as if the devil himself was coming to take my soul, which I would defend to the end – I did not back down. I remember each moment when I was not sure if I would survive the pain of the actions taken upon me. But I did.
I write this not for your pity or sorrow but to let you know those scars & patterns of life (Samskaras known in Yoga) can be healed. You may think or feel that anger & rage is the path of change – anger & rage only create more anger & rage. Yoga teaches us the path of healing begins with self and inner work.
My beautiful mother passed from Breast Cancer in 2012 and a year after that I felt something was wrong deep inside of myself. I felt grief, loss, anger, stress, non-purpose, confusion, taken for granted, lonely and un-loved. I visited a homeopathic doctor that recommended an herb for bitterness. My first thought was…”What? I am not bitter.” Yes, I was sooo bitter.
The years had accumulated as the scars of my past deepened effecting my health on a cellular level. I could no longer fight off the changing of my cellular energy, as my heart & soul cried out for love, my resilience lowered its vibration to a place of dis-ease in my body. I was then diagnosed with an aggressive type of Breast Cancer and 5 large tumors. The anger, rage, hate, bitterness, and sorrow had caught up with my physical body as it ran its course through each level of self, spilling over into the next deepening those scars of my past until there was no space left for light only darkness & destruction of the tissues of my being.
My journey was a long and hard one but I did the work and made it through. I worked at every level of self (5 Koshas or layers of the Human Self known in Yoga), physical, energetic, mental, emotional, & spiritual to heal & create wholeness once again. I knew working on one level, just the physical removal of the cancer cells, would not be enough to make me “whole” and balanced. I needed to start at the root cause to be able to heal, survive, and thrive.
My story is not unique – Yoga saved me, and changed me as it has with many others. Yoga and Cancer took me to a place of vulnerability, a place where all that I knew was gone, a place of rawness & realness, a place where if I didn’t do the work there was no turning back. I had many teachers & mentors to help guide me on the path and support me during my journey.
I asked many questions of myself along the way. “Was this it?” “Is this the way I want to leave the world?” “Is this the legacy I want to leave my family & friends?” “Have I done enough to support & serve?” Or, is my purpose to learn from these lessons of my past, to create hope, to work towards the greater good, to spread love & light, to serve others in a way to bring understanding of each other – harmony & balance, to bring light, to bring peace, and to help others HEAL THY SELF? I believe it is….
I no longer blame others for my abuse or assaults but know they have made me who I am today. I am grateful for every single breath, and every moment of every day (good or bad) on this great planet Mother earth. I have empathy for your pain, struggles and suffering. I am here to help, to support, to ease your pain, to raise your own cellular energy, and to teach your how to HEAL THY SELF.
As we begin to slowly bring classes back to the studio, Ivy’s Holistic Arts, I will do everything possible to make sure it is a welcoming and safe environment for ALL.
We meet on the yoga mat in this sacred space to heal without judgement, to support each other, to rise above, to respect each others differences & uniqueness, to spread kindness, and to build a better self, a better community and a better world.
Be the Change.
Yoga is for Everybody.
About the Author Ivy Miles: Ivy is the Founder of Ivy’s Holistic Arts – Yoga & Wellness Studio and Healthy Self with Ivy as a Intuitive Spiritual Wellness Practitioner. She is also a Holistic Health Coach, Yoga Teacher, Yoga Therapist, and Ayurvedic Wellness Counselor. As a Breast Cancer survivor Ivy has been trained in Yoga for Breast Cancer & Recovery and Yoga4Cancer. Her focus is on creating balance and wholeness working on all 5 Bodies of Self (5 Koshas Known in Yoga) Physical, Energetic, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual. She teaches a variety of yoga styles including; Restorative, Vinyasa Flow, Yin, Nidra, & Chair Yoga. As a Master Practitioner Teacher of Reiki Ivy uses many healing energy modalities such as Meditation, Breath Techniques, Crystal Healing, Sound Therapy, Energy Clearing, Essential Oils, and Chakra Balancing for Health & Healing in her group & individual sessions.